Thanks to all for your thoughts and hugs and words of comfort. I'm sad and at the same time warmed that I'm not the only one who's gone/is going through these things. You're all so kind to me. I feel like I don't deserve that. But then, I hate myself for every tiny mistake I've ever made in my life even if no one else thinks it's a mistake.

Made it through work somehow, but I'm exhausted, stressed and tense. I'm drinking to try to relax. Will not sleep though. Can not sleep. No more dreams.

School tomorrow. I'll probably leave early and get docked. Feel like crying but can't.

Hugs to everyone.

Depression is off the charts today. Haven't been this bad since July 2010 and it's been climbing toward this...peak? Maybe I haven't peaked yet, though. The ceiling feels like it's about to crash in on me.