One of my therapists would tell me to enjoy my pity parties and let him know when I was ready to move on.

there is a difference between pity party and other kinds of blue. My most depressions are not about poor me anyways... surely I want to matter and make a mark, but not for myself... and I can mostly channel this energy. Maybe I am doing some mirroring when I write about how humanity is almost over and "my poor troubled nation"... who knows.

Maybe I am not ready to move on yet. Because... yes, I enjoy the deconstructing, the rawness and the enlightening nature of darkness to a degree. It is a part of me I am not ready to ditch... yet, if ever.