Was the problem that he wanted you to start, or was the problem that he was cold and distant, and never responded back to you in any meaningful way? [rhetorical question, you don't have to answer]

I prefer to set my own agenda in therapy and that is what has worked for me. My T has occasionally mentioned things that he thinks would be helpful for me to look at "when I'm ready", usually something that he has flagged from my journal. My journal also assists me in helping me track my own progress and what issues are on my mind.

But I get a lot back from my T, most of which I am usually willing to hear . He always makes an effort to connect with whatever I am saying and to share back with me. Sometimes his connections are kinda wacky, sometimes they are totally profound or insightful, sometimes they are just empathic and thoughtful, even loving. It would drive me stark raving mad, probably homicidal, if someone only reacted with the same bleeping question whenever I paused to take a breath.

I think it's okay for a T to wait for you to start, as I do think that many T's want to go wherever you want to go, but they can't unless you tell them. I also think it's okay for you to ask him or her to break the ice, but as others have said, you might not like the way it gets broken.

People say on here all the time that T's aren't mind readers. You can't expect them to know where you want to go or how you want to get there. It might be interesting to start to ask your T to help you with why it's so difficult for you to start and to explore whether you have any other issues in your present life where it's difficult for you to "start."

Anne