I think current issues(like an imbalance in the marriage) can impact ones ability to cope with past issues.

I wish you and T. could work on you having a more "balanced" relationship with your husband. I feel for you-- it's the same I've experienced and now my sons' have learned such things and expect to have a woman that will be the one to pick up the slack all the time. -- that is making their lives so much harder as they enter adulthood.

It may appear that you're showing your sons love-- but they're learning how to treat women and that women are the only ones to take on family stuff and house stuff---(they might expect to be able to come home after work and just play games on the computer and have a beer too) you're right-- that mindset sucks-- but that's what they could be learning.... just like my sons did.

Your sons are still young-- I hope you and your husband can somehow get to show your sons that men can and often DO help and take charge of the children and house matters. It's so important for them to learn that....many young girls now demand guys to step up and be an active father/husband- or-- the guy is history.

my family is suffering the consequences of doing just like you guys are doing.....

maybe .... hopefully, it won't turn out as bad for your family as mine has, I will wish that for you and for them. I hope you're not offended -- my point is from compassion and caring for you and your family.

respectfully,
fins