Wishing you well, SunReach. Sorry that this is a time of unhappiness for you. London's a lovely city, with so much to offer. I have no doubt at all that ultimately you'll settle into a routine and be able to take advantage of all the fascinating things and places to do and be in that you'll find over the next several years. Been an awful long time since I was there, but the memories at least are fresh and very pleasant.

Do you have any ways of calming yourself? Have you learned things like, just for example, yoga or mindfulness meditation? Or lots of exercise? These can help bring that anxiety under control. I'm sure you know that. You just need to get serious about calming down. Seriously!