Geez, I will, and I will!

I felt everything you wrote as well. I really regret not getting myself straightened out before getting married (at a young age). And to top it off, we brought kids into the mix (another reason why I don't want to get a divorce). In addition to dealing with the reasons I'm in t, I'm now seeing how low my self esteem has always been. I'm working on that part though, and endeavor to NEVER get to where I am at this moment EVER AGAIN in my life. Sadly, the other reality is that dh may not be on board with me long term when it comes to my changing for the better (or what *I* see as better); and that makes me so sad and I anticipate I'd have a VERY hard time with that. But I'm making myself a priority from now on; and not in terms of "if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy" kind of thing.....more like, "if beautiful.mess ain't happy beautiful.mess is gonna end up in the hospital and the WHOLE FAMILY is gonna end up in therapy from the fallout" similar to what you said earlier.

Ugh. Sorry to ramble on your thread. I usually push this stuff "down" and not think about it. I'm trying to get it out (in moderation LOL).