Fins,

I really do appreciate what you wrote, and believe me, I have pondered that VERY THING so many times.

My oldest son is disgusted at how things are around here. He is very responsible, and very helpful and involved. I feel confident that he's not following in his dad's footsteps.

My middle son with aspergers seems to be watching the situation and thinking "oh YES, this is SO how I want my life to be". NOT cool.

My youngest is a little more like my oldest.

I think because I homeschool and we spend SO much time together, my boys (especially the oldest and youngest) think I'm the queen of the world. lol

But it is a REALLY tricky situation. I don't want to bad-mouth their dad, but I DO want them to know that this is NOT how a relationship should look.

I guess the good thing is that I am mad, and I am hurt, and I am exhausted. Maybe that is the first step towards things changing. I don't know. It's really, really, really, really hard (as you know).

I left a sobbing message for T tonight (2 actually, because I ran out of time on the first) about all of this.

My brain is all tied up in knots. Things tend to fall apart in October, always, and it's hard to know how much that is affecting my ability to handle things.