I think I came across as too glib or boasting, and I apologize. I know one cannot change in a day. What I am seeing is that even though it took me a long, long time to talk to T about this particular issue, I (and T) was in some ways working on it all along. For years. I am finding the longer I am in therapy that the healing goes more quickly, or maybe it was going on simultaneously with other stuff I was working on that didn't seem related. Underground. I do not seem to have a need to go over the same topic in therapy repeatedly. Like once the gates open, it all happens FAST. This has been a pattern in my therapy and also outside in the last few years with the help of therapy. I know it does seem strange and premature to talk of healing on this thing that only quite recently has been articulated in therapy. I think I have done some healing on this on my own; T is an important player who has come into my life in recent years to help me make it happen and open the doors to what is beyond. Despite my odd interlude of feeling "this is the end", I know that we will do more with this--there's more story to tell, and we are bringing poetry. And while we do this, I hopefully will become more familiar (and comfortable) with that glimpse of a beyond.