I'm sorry that you had to go through all that, and glad you have found someone better, who is helping you. I relate to your story a lot. I also was seeing a therapist for about 7 years who was a lot like you describe. I was really hurt a lot of the time, and kept going back in hopes of getting it right and finally getting some approval, but she kept me off balance and it never did really get better. That ended when I got divorced and lost insurance. She did answer emails a couple of times, but wasn't very nice when she did.

I have a new T also, who is nice to me, and I wonder if that's going to do any good. My new T was my supervisor a few years ago, and told me that the idea was for clients to feel a little bit better, and more hopeful, after a therapy session. I wondered why I never felt better, only worse. I always figure that if anything isn't going right, it must be my fault. I'm not sure that I feel better after sessions with her, but at least she doesn't make me feel worse. I just don't know if I'll ever get better. But she is consistent, and I like that.

As a therapist myself, I try to be more like her - more accepting and more consistent. I am nice to my clients - and I wonder if that's effective for them, but it balances out since the team I'm working with includes therapists who are more aggressive too, so maybe we balance each other out. I couldn't be like them. But at least they seem to be consistent.