But Dreamer,
Aren't you at least a little bit curious about what will happen if you stick it out? What might be around the corner? I know it stupid considering the pain you are in but aren't you curious to find out what it is that makes it all stop without making you hurt? Don't you want to know the answer? I know I do. I know that I don't trust "them" to tell me but I have got to find out some how. I hope you will get some help right now, like Darkeyes urged, so that you can get over this hump because I need you to help me get the answers to my questions. I need everyone here to help me find those answers because I know that "they" can't give them too me because "they" just don't have any real concept of what the question is. They can watch us and they can make all their little hypothesis but it is you and I who will come up with the real answers. It is you and I who will tell them the truths that they seek. If we don't hang in there the truth will be lost and "they" will have to wait for the next one of us to come along.

Please go get some help. Listen to what they say, think about what makes sense then come back and let me know what you think. I know one thing for sure. I would miss you dearly if you decided to check out. Please don't consider it as a real option, it is good to be chicken.
Love you sweetheart,
Carrie