(((((really))))))

The way you feel is the PTSD talking. I am constantly feeling the same way, have the same kind of uncertainty and shame or feelings and doubts about talking about my personal issues.

As far as the Paranoia and wondering about who is going to stomp on you or make you feel worse or weak or not believe your very real struggle, that is VERY common when you suffer from PTSD.

I wish I would have kept my mouth shut? that is another way PTSD victims feel.

In the beginning your gut was telling you the truth, your brain was telling you the truth, and the truth is, you were at your limit and just couldn't take it anymore.

With PTSD it is important that the person that has it is removed from the source of the trauma and/or abuse. And you are trying to follow your inner feelings that are telling you, ENOUGH. And it is really important that you DO get a paper trail and journal everything you have done so far to takes steps towards getting help with your PTSD, including your conversations with your commander and how he reacts towards you and how it makes you feel.

Really, remember, you are not the only serviceman to experience this and have a deep desire to get help. In fact there are hundreds of men who feel just as you do and they don't get the real help they need to make their situation an easy path towards therapy and removal from the trauma or enviornment that is causing the PTSD. NONE OF YOU DESERVE TO FEEL PUSHED ASIDE AND DEVALUED IN ANYWAY. That is wrong, that is abuse itself, WRONG.

Really, I know you have inner doubts, feelings of failure and even rejection. Your last line here should not be uttered by you or any of the other men that feels like you. And you need to stand tall and fight for that right to say, ENOUGH. Everything your feeling right now is REAL and YOUR NOT ALONE. And it doesn't mean you were never strong enough, in fact, YOUR STRONG ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT YOU DESERVE THE RIGHT TO SAY ENOUGH. Your not a machine Really, your a human being and what your feeling is VERY HUMAN.

Do not accept the treatment and messages that are being sent to you that punish you in any way psychologically for something that is very real in you and many others. That is CRAP and very UNFAIR to receive that denial from others, and, IT HAS TO STOP. Every step you take, everything you face that denys you your right WRITE IT DOWN ALONG WITH EVERY NAME THAT FEEDS YOU THOSE MESSAGES. Because these people are WRONG AND ABUSERS. You and others like you have every right to stand up and say I AM NOT DOING WELL, I AM SUFFERING NOW, ENOUGH without feeling any shame or having to endure any abuse from the system. And who do you trust? You!!!!! You have to do everything you can to make that path a better one for you and anyone like you that needs to take that path without enduring these feelings that you are expressing here.

"I wish I would have kept my mouth shut, lived with it?" That is wrong, no one should say that, or feel that at all. Don't say that anymore, you have every right to pay attention to those very human, very real feelings that you and many like you face.

Write everything down Really, everything that tells you to say that. Because it should not happen to you or anyone else like you that has a genuine condition called PTSD.

Open Eyes