Long post. Sorry!

I can't stop obsessing about this today, so I thought I would post here about it. If you have any insights or experience or suggestions... please let me know.

Last Monday I met w/my T. We talked about how I keep giving things away without concern for myself. For example, I loaned a good friend my only bike lock not realizing that without it I had to walk everywhere (my car is out of commission at the moment.) I gave a fundraiser my last $23 when he came to my door. Then when another fundraiser came to my door recently I gave him the $60 I was about to spend on school supplies. WTF, right?

So, we discuss that for so long that I don't get to mention that I'm looking for work out of state. We've tabled the work issue until next week. Then I go to a friends house later that day. She's having a rough time and I'm telling her tools that my T has taught me which have helped me get through similar rough times. THEN...

I suggested that my friend go to see my T. She said she wouldn't since the T is through an organization that my friend works at, so I recommend she call T to get a referral. I guess I was thinking that it wouldn't be a big deal, or that my friend wouldn't do it. I mean, I give advice all the time and nobody IRL ever takes it... BUT...

The next day when I saw my friend she was like "I just met with your T! She's great! I have another appt for next week!"

.................

What did I just do?

I feel like I gave away my imaginary friend.

I talk about my T a lot because it helps me internalize what I'm learning in T. I like that no one knows my T. I don't care that my T has other patients because my T only exists in my head and in that office one hour a week. But now T is real to someone who is close to me. And I don't wanna hear about other people's sessions with my imaginary friend. I don't wanna have to censor myself when I'm talking about my T. And I DEFINITELY don't wanna move out of state and still hear about my T every week.

What did I just do?

Sorry my posts are so long. I'm not very good at telling stories. The good news is that this is the biggest problem in my life at the moment, so things aren't all that bad. I hope I can find new perspective before I see my T on Tuesday.

I'm so grateful I can vent here. Thank you!