I’ve learned that if I place the blame for everything that goes wrong on myself, I am being self-important and arrogant and giving myself much more power than I truly have.

I’ve learned that if I place the blame elsewhere consistently, then I’m giving away my power.

I’ve learned the difference between sympathy and empathy. If I sympathize with someone, I’m jumping into the same dark hole they are in and therefore, stuck in their negative feelings with them. If I empathize with them, I understand how they are feeling and offer a hand up out of the dark hole.

I’ve learned that accusing someone never works. (“You said... you did...”) I need to take responsibility for my own thoughts, feelings and actions, deal with them, and if the other person doesn’t want to do the same for themselves, then so be it. I can’t take on their responsibilities. If I do, I enable them to continue being dysfunctional.

I’ve learned that apologizing isn’t a sign of weakness.

I’ve learned that tears are necessary, healing and cleansing. So is laughter.

I’ve learned that when someone gives me constructive criticism, regardless of how I feel at the time, I need to think about it first, check my behavior to see if indeed I am guilty of what was said to me. I am brutally honest with myself. The only way I can become the best that I can be, is to be truthful with myself. If, indeed, the criticism was true, I set about changing my behavior.

I’ve learned that the more I try to control a situation or a person, the more out of my control it becomes. It’s like trying to hold on to a fistful of sand. The harder you squeeze, the quicker it slips through your fingers.

I’ve learned that the more I try to change a person, the more they become the monster I hate/fear.

I’ve learned that the only one I can control, the only one I can change is me.

I’ve learned that the better I get, the more some people hate me. The better I get, the more I lose some “friends.” On the flip side of that coin, the better I get, the more sincere, smarter, more mature friends I make.

I’ve learned that when I feel so sad, angry, hurt, abandoned, disappointed, etc., that I want to cry, scream, throw something, read someone out, eat till I puke, that it’s the eternal child within me that needs nurturing to the nth degree. No one knows how to nurture that child better than me. It’s time for me to turn off all the external, irritating intrusions and take care of my inner child. Turning on some soft music, maybe even crawling into bed and cuddling my cat or my teddy bear, or just letting the tears flow and the thoughts come will soon bring up what it is I’m needing. I attend to those needs post haste.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to give myself a hug.