I haven't been on lately, and I apologize for that. But I've been.... somewhere where I thought I'd never be again. For those of you who don't know I've been struggling with addiction for about two and a half years now. I'm fourteen years-young, and soon going to be 15. I mostly drink and smoke pot. I'm not going to stop smoking pot, as I can not see myself without it. However, there is a darker past to my story. One summer I got really into drugs. I tried just about everything. I wasn't afraid of anything. I felt on top of the world. It wasn't until I saw one of my bestfriends almost die, that I realized I had a problem. I eventually got off the pills, the dust, the everything. I still drank excessivly, and I still smoked. But that was it. I would slip up every once and a while. But hey, don't we all? Well... I recently made a very large mistake. Last weekend I was with my (now ex) boyfriend. We went to his friends house to celebrate the homecoming we didn't go to. My ex went out to buy cigarettes and it was just me and his friend and his girlfriend. There was a lot of alcohol. I hadn't been drinking lately. And I knew it was going to be bad. I could've just left. But I stayed and had a glass. And a second. And then half the bottle. And then the rest of the bottle. My ex came back and flipped out of the me that was taken by alcohol. He left out of rage and left me there. His friend brought out some kind of powder, that we snorted. Since then I've been shaking, vomiting, paranoid (more than ususal), and just acting like a druggie. Monday I got out of my skull high on something my friend had. And yesterday I got extremely drunk. I seem to be falling back into my old habbits. I know I need to stop, but I can't. I love the way the substances make me feel. I love the way my mind becomes with the alterations. I love it. But... I need to stop. My friend sat me down and talked about how his mom was an addict and couldn't get out of it. He doesn't want me going down the same road.
Help?
Just so you know... I'm NOT going to any 12-step program or AA.