Uh, I did go on a little rant didn't I. Sorry folks. Am a wee bit keyed up. Lots of caffene and paint fumes. Painting my daughter's room today. Did the primer coat and the base coat. Wednesday we will be painting on the stripes. Yes she wants stripes. I am excited. I can't wait to see how it turns out. Fortunately, the caffiene is starting to fade out and a hot bath soothed me so I am not rambling quite so much...or am I.

I was thinking about what Dalilah said, about fighting the urge and how it tends to make things escolate. Is that the way it is for everyone? For me, I can fight the urge sometimes, if I can distract myself with a high concentration project. Other times I can't seem to find the project that will capture my attention so I start obsessing about what was bothering me which then turns into an obsession about whether or not to hurt myself. It is like the debate to cut or not to cut is an escape from my original discomfort. It is safer to enter the debate on whether to cause myself physical harm then to sit with and feel the emotions that started the episode to begin with. Then there are the rare times when the emotions are just so overwhelming that I don't debate at all and hurt myself on impulse. That is when it is scarey because there is no control, there is no relief, and there is more blood. It is those impulsive incidents that make me believe I have to stop this because I don't want to hurt myself beyond repair.
Carrie