I have not the foggiest clue as to whether my t allows or accepts emails or out of session phone calls. I'm going to guess that he doesn't.

Part of me would LOVE to email. My computer is never far away from me, and I love to communicate through email anyway. And I would love to know I'm "special" enough to get to email my t.

But another part of me is terrified - TERRIFIED - that I would send an email and then not get the response I wanted, or needed or expected. Or a canned response (like, "Thanks for emailing! We'll talk about this in session! See ya!") Or worse yet, I'd get no response at all.

I'm trying SO HARD to be OK with no email but it's for the wrong reason (obviously). I'm trying to avoid it because I don't want to deal with the feeling that I *know* the "wrong" response would bring; and right now, I just don't want to "go there". I know I will need to go there eventually and discuss that part, but oh, I don't wanna.

This is all assuming he even allows emails to begin with. Which as I said earlier, I have a feeling he doesn't. That makes me sad too. Like, what? I'M NOT SPECIAL ENOUGH FOR YOUR DARN EMAIL!?!? Deep down, I know I'm not special enough. Deeper down, I know that it actually has nothing to do with me being special enough. Deep down, I know that my problem with that boundary is just that: my problem.

So either way I lose. *sigh*



So yeah, no email for moi.