Thanks all for your support. And thank you Open Eyes, I started a Memorandum for Record today. Not just for documentation purposes, but because my memory has gotten worse and worse as my other issues have increased. So it helps me to remember things.

On that note things took a turn for the better today. Although my commander had the gaul to tell me, "you're not flying because you don't want to, not because you can't", he also told me who I needed to talk to, to begin a medical evaluation board. I went and talked to them and they told me the process. They also let me know that my commander won't be able to just shuffle me out the door on January 1st. By doing the MEB it allows me some more time to get things in order.

Also, with the fact that I have almost 15 years of service, and because I have plenty of documentation from both 2008 and my most current episode, that this should be a clear cut case to getting a medical retirement and treatment, or at the very least a buyout of my service time, and treatment.

We'll see... I really think my commander was hoping I would just walk out the door quietly, and therefore not show up on any reports. It's really disheartening that a person, my commander, which I have served with for 6 years, killed people with, and respected along the way, would some how think that I would suddenly wake up one day and decide that:

"well I have over 14 years of service, 6 years in this career field, I think what I'm going to do today is screw up my entire career and future by deciding simply not do my job anymore because I just don't want too."

He really offended me with his you're just not doing it because you don't want to comment. But hopefully things will work out in the end and he'll see just how wrong he is... But I doubt it.

In the coming months I have no doubt I'm going to be a Pariah in my squadron, but I have to get myself some help, and I have to make sure my family is taken care of.