I think that flip flopping is pretty normal amoung most of us. I sure do know that I do that! I've come to understand it as a reaction to the closeness we experience in therapy or any intimate relationships. I do agree with the belief that we are biologically programmed to seek out connections. The problem is that some of us have also been programmed to fear or panic when faced with intimate connections--especially we people who have experienced traumatic experiences in life . .. which is most of us!

Sometimes we move away from or distance ourselves from intimate relationships/connections. Something inside of us views these relationships as dangerous or hurtful. Some of us don't even know why we feel this way . . . we just know that when people get "too close" we pull back or block the advance. It doesn't have to be psycotic or "crazy". The block can be completely rational or understandable or explainable.. . They can just be wrong for us at that time or event.

When I distance from my therapist, she gets it. She doesn't push. She doesn't insist that I come in . She puts me in the driver's seat. I get to decide. I get to control. I'm not saying that she "agrees" if I tell her I'm done, that I don't need therapy any more. . .. She is good about being open and confrontative that she doesn't agree with this assessment. She is able to understand that leaving or quiting or breaking for a time is what I need, but she remains open to me coming back "if and when I am ready". I like that because it puts me in the driver's seat.

I hope that you're able to negotiate the amount of distance you NEED from your therapist, skyblue. One thing I"ve learned over time, the distance I THINK I want is never the degree of distance I REALLY want.. . . I usually want to say I'm independent and not needing of my therapist but in reality I'm kidding myself . .. I need her a lot and when I come to recognize and accept that I'm ten steps ahead of where I am now. Good luck with the distancing . .. or not