you had a hard life growing up - having things- then not -then agian being ok - that makes for a rocky childhood and a lot of uncertainty for a child.

You have tried and had problems - that doesnt mean you cant try agian - it just means next time you wil have learned somthing from the last time to help you go forward - maybe you need more business skills? what about doing a course? or working for someone else and asking them to be your mentor and teach you the skills they know ?

it would seem that your lack of success at break neck speed is bringing you down - you need to be a little kinder to yourself - do somethings that you enjoy - have a well rounded life - you are stil trying and that is great - try diaphramatic breathing - its hard at first but it works for some - worked for me for a while..

are you talking to people about how you feel or bottling it up? I'm sure your mother would not want the pressure you are putting on yourself about looking after everyone and getting rich - you dont need to be rich - you need to have enough.... wnough to be able to breathe and live and not worry if a bill comes in.. and this takes time....give yourself time

there is stil time

please be kind and gentle to yourself and perhaps be more active inthe day so you sleep better at night - I understand this ...I have had/do have similar problems wiht sleep

take care

P7