I'm sorry you are feeling this way, JD. God can turn anything around. Can you create art and bring beauty to the world? Art helps me as a way to "express out"; learning something new. Being in a wheelchair doesn't confine your spirit. This week I learned my good friend died alone at the home of someone for whom she was a live-in housekeeper. She was a saint, always doing for others. For months she couldn't talk, (she had a stroke); she was an evangelist, but wrote with pad and pen. I got so angry at God...why this beautiful person who never harmed anyone, was always giving stuff away and ministering to the sick, should be so afflicted. I have no answer except that I knew she had a greater and more intimate relationship with angels at the end of her life and that she didn't die alone. A great light went out from OK when she left. Keep being a light.
I live alone, but when I go to the beach with my dog, I take photographs and plan to make cards with them. I feel power from the roaring sea, peaceful sea, and feel satisfied. Contentment is a great gain when we can feel those moments. When I think I am owed something, I check myself. When we reach a dry place, we have to keep sowing, I think, in my humble opinion. 'hope my words don't offend in anyway.