[quote=3rdTimesTheCharm;2048786]Was the problem that he wanted you to start, or was the problem that he was cold and distant, and never responded back to you in any meaningful way? [rhetorical question, you don't have to answer]

I prefer to set my own agenda in therapy and that is what has worked for me. My T has occasionally mentioned things that he thinks would be helpful for me to look at "when I'm ready", usually something that he has flagged from my journal. My journal also assists me in helping me track my own progress and what issues are on my mind.

But I get a lot back from my T, most of which I am usually willing to hear . He always makes an effort to connect with whatever I am saying and to share back with me. Sometimes his connections are kinda wacky, sometimes they are totally profound or insightful, sometimes they are just empathic and thoughtful, even loving. It would drive me stark raving mad, probably homicidal, if someone only reacted with the same bleeping question whenever I paused to take a breath.

Okay...you should expect this by now...here I go again. My cold, distant T would NEVER help me start. Even when I asked him to help, and even when I asked, "How are you?" He had a one word answer...."ok." And then he would make this odd hand gesture...which looked kind of like a waiter holding a tray, in order to indicate that I speak. I brought this up once, and he did eventually acknowledge that this must be difficult to put the onus so firmly on me. He told me this was a part of the "tradition."

Tradition? What could he possibly have been talking about? I did not ask, and this was so late in the therapy with him that I decided not to pursue. But my new T candidates that I'm talking with are all much more of a back and forth style, and I feel that I've learned that for myself, it's key to have some way "in." A T who insists that I start, from scratch, isn't what I need. In fact, it just starts me on a spiral of approval seeking that ends nowhere.....