So familiar.

I did something similar once. I was terminated by a T, I cared deeply about. Somehow, I blamed myself for the termination. A friend of mine needed a T so I referred her to him. ( Still cared for him, wanted him to see me favorably, wanted to stay connected, put others before myself... the list goes on and ON.)

A few months later, I saw this friend at a party and she referred to him as "a God". I left the party, sat in my car and cried and cried. AND CRIED. I kept asking myself the same question over (and over) again, "What have I done here?"

I harmed myself. Unconsciously, I probably wanted her therapy to fail too so I wouldn't feel so isolated...ALONE by the termination. But it didn't...he didn't terminate her. Instead, it wreaked havoc on my life by reinforcing all these negative thoughts and feelings I had, about me.

I realize you are still seeing your T. Please talk to her about your concerns. Be curious about your own feelings surrounding your desire to help your friend and your feelings now. Most importantly, put YOURSELF first.....You deserve it!