Oh, my heart is sort of breaking for you. You are still so young and your body and brain will be growing for another 10 years. One of my sons did what you are doing and he is still struggling today. (He is twice your age).

He and I have had many painful discussions and if he could do things over again, he would NOT have used drugs and alcohol. He is currently paying the price in many negative ways - lost teeth, probation for many years, no job, random drug & alcohol testing etc. Last night he decided he needed to do 90 meetings in 90 days. He had also been determined that he would not go to meetings.

I will wish you the best. Until you are truly ready, you will talk about what you need to do. And Willcat is right - that is a good first step. Results will only happen if you take a chance and take a second step.