There's clearly something wrong with the wiring on my mother's side. Mother has multiple suicide attempts, now in recovery at 65. Unfortunately my brother was successful with his attempt, 14 yrs ago. I think I've been in various states of shock since then, without ever really dealing with the issue properly. Along the way, I've blamed my father for getting involved with someone he knew was "crazy" but I think I only once said it out loud. Now I regret even thinking that. I've always known it was pointless to blame anyone for my ills. I think the only answer is to seize the bull by the horns, listen to people you respect and try to adapt their advice to your own circumstances. Everyone is different.