Oh hun I am so sorry. I am sorry that you were abused when you were too young to protect yourself. I am sorry you still fear him. And most of all I am sorry that you had to give up your horse friend. I am a horse person too and some days the only peace I had was burying my face in my horse's neck and hugging him tight.

Is it possible that you may be able to replace the horse with a sound one or could you take riding lessons at least? Is there a stable where you could help care for the horses in exchange to riding their horses?