Well, meditation is actually something I'm hoping can turn my life around. In what was undoubtedly a manic phase, I even sewed some zafu (cushions) several years ago, in preparation for this. They are currently collecting dust-and I am collecting even more. In truth, I need to sit with a group and I'm not in a position geographically or automotively, to access the group easily right at this juncture. I think I need to remove myself from this environment, you are correct in that respect. Took a trip overseas this spring and it did wonders for my mind, body and spirit.

Hobbies, yes. I've developed some bad ones in the past few years. I used to consume books ferociously and swing dance whenever I had a chance. Languages I was good at. All of this has gone by the way side due to my bpism. I consider myself lucky to finish a book a month. I take two steps forward and seven backwards. I am depressed about 80% of the time. I have been a keen student of politics and I have to say, the knowledge of what is actually going on in the world -versus what the networks tell you-weighs heavily on me. The world is often "too much with me" ; too much knowledge of the suffering out there, the rapid decline of the environment. You see, I know where this is heading so it's hard to be upbeat. One doesn't want to have kids in a world like this. Even when I'm manic, there is only the idea that I will "make the best of things", live on and be here for my parents. I know the answer is not retreat but engagement, but I have a difficult time putting that philosophy into practice. Thanks for your ear.