Thank you both TheByzantine and nacht ya know i've been thinking more on the why i may not be fallin into a rut. This year has been very positive my bf parent's said i'm part of the family and to come over this weekend and have dinner. It pulls a tear almost from my heart.
It's great that a handful of strangers on a form and a few old buds and then my bf parents- are so nice and caring. I keep feeling i don't deserve the nice from you all but i remember this no one in my family has said a nice happy birthday. It's complex and i don't want to sound like a cry baby, like i could understand if i didn't call them or text then or email them or take them out to eat on their birthdays but i always send a message to my sisters and bro. I know it's due to our upbringing esp our mother on how she was with bdays. but i remember this and think on it- accept the nice things in life and it maybe hard but That's cuz i had years before where i was forgotten when no one should be forgotten i appreciate you all even if i don't know you cuz ya know you all put a nice vibe towards other which can make a world of difference with how we can change