Welcome, Gulas,

I identify with you in many, many ways, and I'm happy you've found your way (back?) here. Thirty years and one month ago today, I had my first day of sobriety from alcohol, which had been my best friend for many a moon. I'm sorry about your brother and the many other losses I'm sure you've experienced. There's a fairly new approach to therapy that I'm feeling a bit hopeful about -- *Dialectical Behavioral Therapy for Bipolar Disorder. I believe there are quite a few practitioners around the country who are using this in groups. I have an appointment with a new therapist in this regard soon. *Try amazon.com for a copy of the workbook on this therapy.

Although at that time, 30 years ago, I wasn't on speaking terms with a higher power, I was desperate, and a 12th step group helped me (This was about 6 months after I took a geographical cure with my work, thinking it would do the "make me better" trick.). Perhaps you can find a 12th step group that works for you or an alternative to 12th step program -- I know quite a few can be found in your part of the country. This forum is helpful to me.