WARNING FROM ME: Too much talking follows.

Yes, she was the person with the flashlight. She later told me she saw something in the awning and felt curious about it and that's why she was shining the light around everywhere. "Don't you know what a curious person I am? she said.

"You have every reason to feel the way you did and it's not your fault if she is that easy to upset. If she is so concerned then she should have called you back to talk it through. Don't dismiss your own feelings or overanalyze your reply, you were only being honest. Some people just don't understand what effect their actions have on others."

I feel so shameful and bad when I get angry. I know intellectually that what you say is true, but it doesn't mesh with my feelings. This friend, alas, is very much like my dear mother who cannot own responsibility for her own feelings unless they are bland and pleasant and nice. My friend immediately gets angry with me if I express anger with her for any reason. I don't mean to make her into a bad guy here, but neither do I want to jump into that role myself.

Feelings just are. I know that. My last long time pdoc told me that when my "what I called 'core-truth of badness about myself' got triggered," that it was JUST AN IDEA I HAD. Well, hell, I knew that. But somehow knowing that intellectually wasn't enough.

I think I'm hanging on to these things instead of owning and letting go. That's what I need to do daily. For me, it's daily. Thich Nach Hahn: Anger and anything by Pema Chodron.