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thank you all - but its not safe..... hard to explain - it is safe - i am safe - but not from harm - too late for that lol but i am ok now - just crying inside and a sngle sile nt tear on the outside lol how dumb is that...
i gues it waa the door not being there and seeing in the storeerommo wher he came from and knwoing that again they didnt give a **** aboutg me or how i would fell - after all its almost 5 years ... its my problem
and im losing a friend in slow painful steps ..... and i stepping bakc into my shell so i wonnt be hut agian but its way too late for that
way too late..
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Its not how many times you fall down that counts 
its how many times you get back up! 
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture  )
When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
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