I didn't end up on the side you appear to be hoping for... but I am so much happier today than I was many years ago. So, hope it is ok if I write about my experience in response to you.

Just wondering - have you been going to counseling on your own even if your husband won't go? (In retrospect, I wish I had).

In my case, I knew for 2 years that I didn't want to continue in the marriage the way it was. I also knew my husband did not like counseling and felt people who went were "weak". (And, we had been doing family counseling because of our children's issues). I never even brought the idea of marriage counseling up because I knew he would scoff at the idea.

After I left him, he asked me to go to counseling to see if we could keep the marriage together. I'm not proud of myself for this, but at the time I felt so worthless and completely lacked any self-confidence - so I agreed to go. I used the time to summon up all of my strength in front of the non-partial counselor and told my husband that it was too late, I no longer wanted to be married to him, and marriage counseling wasn't going to change my mind.

As jaded wrote, sometimes you have to act in order to get others to act. But w also have to keep in mind that we really only can change ourselves. We can request others to change, but we can't change them.

I wish you and your children well and hope whatever happens, it will bring happiness back into your lives.