((((really))))
Yes that is so true, people are programed to show interest in others and yet they back off when they actually have to contribute something meaningful or important. That can be a typical response that just means that other person is just doing the social grace but is often way too self absorbed to give of themselves.

For a person with PTSD there are many of these messages that they become more aware of simply because PTSD is very troublesome and confusing and the one thing anyone that has it has, is a sense of exclusion from others. And it doesn't mean that you are in anyway bad or unsuitable, but what it does mean is that you are very sensitive and aware that you are dealing with something that is confusing and troubling. It is important for you to realize that your not really alone in all these issues that are beginning to present themselves, and I mean all of them, right down to the fingers. This is what other men go through and try very hard to hide and with all the conditioning of learning how to just deal and man up, these feelings reveal that you are really just human after all. And the reality is, no training can over ride that fact and that you do have a brain that can only just take so much.

And the desire to avoid interacting to others at work is very normal, especially in that atmosphere because you havent really found a way to be brutally honest and just say, because I have PTSD and I realize that the position I was in "flying" was something I could not continue to do effectively. And inside you don't really want to admit that something has changed or even appear disfunctional or defective somehow. And the other reality is that there is no real way to express the proper affect of how much you are really struggling. And even worse, it isn't that you are in denial, it is everyone else, and some of that is just pure ignorance and lack of training that should really have been established years ago.

And this is what you have to remember because this is an experience that other men go through as well and there really needs to be a way where other men and you can be recognized with respect and support. Ideally others should present you with as much encouragement as possible that provides you with an atmosphere where you begin to feel they just understand and it is ok and you are going to be supported because you really did contribute so much and what you feel now is real and they respect it and are there for you. And most importantly, you should have nothing to be ashamed about, you did your job well and your just going to find another activity that is not as stressful and along with that, your going to learn how to decompress and adjust.

really, I didn't go through what you went through in service, but I do have PTSD and I did experience a situation where I lost so much that it was just too profound for me, I simply fell apart and I do have terrible PTSD. And I am in a system too that doesn't make it any easier for me to recover in any way and function, in fact the system I am in is making me worse. That is sooooo wrong and even cruel. And in many ways I am stuck were you were realizing, truely realizing, that I need to get off that plane that I am on and now, I truely can't do anymore and it has effected not only me but my whole family.

Are you seeing a therapist? And are you on any medication? I personally take Klonipin to help me sleep at night and help me to get the anxiety under control. And it doesn't take away the PTSD but it really helps me control the severe anxiety issues and you need to look into that before you get to the point where your really struggling with the anxiety attacks and discomfort that will become more predominant in time. And fair warning don't look to the bottle of booze for comfort, it wont work and you cant take medication with alcohol, the alcohol interupts the effectiveness of the medication and can even make it dangerous.

Your desire to dodge and isolate from others is a part of the PTSD symptoms and you do need to understand that. Try really hard to not let yourself be embarrassed by what you have really. And you should start keeping a journal too. And really think about writing down what conditions would be better for your PTSD. And you have a choice really, you can either allow the PTSD and the sense of guilt and not being understood by others take place OR you can see what it really means and make efforts to voice how important it is that what you have truely needs to be respected and support is put in place by all those around you.

As I look at what I have been through, my PTSD would not have come to the point it is in now if I had been respected and the process really considered what was best for my condition. The process I am tied up in is WRONG and I am suffering because of another persons negligence and it took way too much from me, and is still taking way too much. The other person who severely damaged my life in more ways than I could ever have imagined has been able to just go along with their lives for the past four years while I have been doing nothing but continuously paying and suffering the consequences of their negligence, that is WRONG!

Any troop from any walk of the field of the defense for our country, should truely be respected and everything should be in place to support that persons condition, EVERYTHING TO SUPPORT THAT PERSON LIKE YOU. And that includes the atmosphere you are in now. You should not be jumping through any hoops of any kind and you should not be sitting there wondering which way to go or even wonder about anything, that should be right there for you, all of those stressful questions should be answered and resolved immediately for you and the transition should provide everything possible to see that your PTSD and condition is RESPECTED and SERVED STAT. The PTSD condition that you are in should be so respected and understood by those around you that all your fears and sense of distance and psychological struggle and desire to overcome should be immediately supported without question.

really, I wish I was in that environment to greet you every day and bring you a coffee or donut or anything you needed and remind you by saying, dam, your job was really tough and you hung in there for a long time, thank you for doing that, you must be a real strong person. I don't how you did it, I don't think I could have done it, and you did it real well and thank you for knowing when you just had enough because there are other men that depend on someone to say I have had enough and someone else needs to step in so no one gets hurt.

really, your not a failure of any kind, you are being truely responsible and your desire to step back and say, I cant continue is very brave too.
And that is the REAL TRUTH.

Open Eyes