On the subject of memory, today I'm recalling the fall of 1997 when I had to leave a boat (my place of work) due to what I guess now were panic attacks. Shortly after my brother died, this happened. This episode was clearly not the very beginning of my problem with bp (and later alcoholism) but it now seems not at all coincidental Earlier in the year, my mother had unsuccessfully attempted suicide. I see now that ,to turn Sinatra's words on their head, "It was a very bad year."

Thanks to all who continue to listen here, for what it's worth. Its gotten me motivated to start thinking about solutions.