Despite all of your second guesses, you are on the right track. Not your commander nor anyone else in your chain of command is going to help you to support yourself or your family, so who cares what they think. What you feel is real and it will never go away (controlled but not cured). The dreams, the eyes, the screams, the visions will always be with you and no medals, awards, or amount of flight hours can ever take that away. You did all you could do as a soldier and now it's time to take care of you and your family because they won't, we are disposable to them. Meds don't help but talking does. Find a good counselor and you will be amazed at the difference and the peace you will find. I am glad that you are speaking out because there are so many others just like you but are afraid to speak out and maybe you can be their inspiration. Pray, if God be for you then who can be against you!!!!