I must have found the most wonderful man in the world who has dealt with my ups and downs for over 2 years now. I think I've suffered with bipolar for years and just managed to still be somewhat successful. I probably would be denying I even had a problem if I never met him. He encouraged me to finally talk to my doctor because I was exhausted and had a lot of ups and downs. The downs got worse and worse.

The most recent even that inspired me to ditch my family practioner who would just prescribe a different antidepressant every time I complained of depression. I've been on Lexapro 20 mg for 3 months. (Celexa and Cymbalta prior to that) Cymbalta made me hypomanic!

I had been drinking wine at a wedding and for some reason I started getting upset and thinking how we would never get married or I would never be good enough for him. I even punched him in the head twice while he was driving and then opened the car door while we were on the highway. This finally scared me enough to go to a psychiatric clinic. I am still taking Lexapro plus I have just started Lamictal.

So things brings me to my question. I spend a lot of time obsessing about him and our relationship. I have no reason to think that he is cheating or going to leave me (I punched him in the head for goodness sake and he is still with me!) It seems that any day he strays from his normal routine or acts "off" I start to worry that it must be me or something I've done. I've caught my last two long term bf's of lying by checking their phone records and emails. So of course that is where I go. He has plans with friends over the next few weekends so of course I get nervous and started scouring his internet and phone records looking for the slightest inconsistency. So tonight I see a number that I don't recognize that he talked to for over an hour and I went balistic and starting asking him about it and of course thinking he never said anything about talking to someone for this long. He must be hiding something. Does anyone have these types of thoughts with their relationship? Why can't I ever feel secure? I don't see what else he could do. I'm sick of needing constant reassurance. It ultimately maybe the end of relationship If I keep this up! How can i get past this? Please help.