I am so very sorry about the loss of your friend. No wonder you want to escape from the reality of life when life sucks that bad. Is there some healthy escape in your life that you can use, something that takes your mind away from the pain in reality even just for fifteen minutes.

Do you like music, movies, do you paint or do anything artistic? Maybe just going for a short walk and focusing on the colors of the trees, the flowers and all?

The pain of loss is going to be with you for a long time I am afraid. Last year a dear friend of mine took her life and it made no sense.

If you ever want to talk, here I am.