Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses

I put all my cards on the table the other night. I told my husband that I'm 95% not in this marriage anymore. He told me that he wasn't going to go to counseling and I could just talk to him then we could fix things vs. the priniciple of paying someone to tell them how I feel etc...

I told him that I fear talking to him because whenever I do it turns into him talking down to me and raising his voice (like he did most recently in public - so embarrassing). I told him I don't ever do that to him and I won't live that way of being treated so.

He told me it upsets him that I feel like leaving the marriage.
He's happy and had no idea I felt this way.
He loves me and he wants me to be happy whatever that means for me. He doesn't want me to hang around and be miserable for the sake of the kids.
He told me that he is going to communicate better and not be so 'hot headed'.
I told him that's a huge thing about me communicating with him because I feel defensive emotionally due to his demeaning comebacks.

He said that since we've been married in the last three years I've changed dramatically (for the better and he feared what that would mean for him) and because I'm now so different if I'm not interested in him anymore then while he's hurt he understands and wants me to be honest (I spent 3 1/2years in therapy and lost a bunch of weight, going back to school in the spring and have an active social life). He said that it will hurt for him but I should be happy.

He came up with things for us to do together (things I've requested in the past) to work on us.

Overall there is a shred of hope in this and I hope the shred blossoms into a bright and happy future.

Keeping my fingers crossed.