I think I went through my first full-blown manic episode last month. I was incredibly sexual and hand nonstop energy one day and decided on a whim to visit a prostitute for the first time in my life - cheating on my wife of 7 years in the process. I know what I have done is despicable and I have been sobbing over it since it happen. So, I guess I'm not really looking for more judgment, just a place to vent and talk about it.

What makes it worse is that I now am convinced that I've contracted HIV from the prostitute. I haven't been all that functional at work or home since it happened. (The wife knows and I have had no sexual contact with her since. I would not be able to live with myself if I passed anythign on to her. After the first few days, she has been remarkably supportive and mentioned that she thought I should look into bipolar as a trigger for my hypersexuality.) I have always in the past satisfied my high sex drive with porn at least once a day in addition to a healthy sex life with my wife. But I felt urgently compelled to visit a prostitute that day. Looking back, it was a very goal-driven behavior. The type that in hypomania has helped me accomplish lots of work in a short time. But this time it went in a dark and dangerous direction. I heard whispers telling me it wasn't a good idea, etc. But they were drowned out by this overwhelming compulsion to complete this "task," which now might leave me in an early grave.

I realize I'm not very sympathetic here. I mean, I brought all this on myself. But I'm just looking for some insight on how other bipolar people control their sexual drives. Does this sound like a bipolar thing to you? Looking back, I think I've had some other manic episodes like buying penny stocks and antique cars without thinking through the resale value and potential. But it never got to the level of threatening our relationship and my life - until now.

I'm just scared to death.