My mom called this morning to ask about my refrigerator problems.

She told me of a recent incident with my brother and dad.

I have no contact with my brother. I talked to him in 2000, right after my S.G. I didn't have any contact with him until 2004 when I went to his daughter's wedding. I haven't had any since. We have nothing in common. He's 7 years older than me. He can't stand his family of origin. I get along with my parents. I live 3 hours away from my mom and dad. He lives about 20 miles away from my dad.

My dad is 78. He lives alone in the country. He has a few health problems but nothing major that keeps him from staying active. He has a very limited income and makes do with what he has. A lot of times he washes his clothes in the sink and air dries them, so they're not always as clean and spotless as a washer could get them.

My brother never goes and sees if my dad needs any help with anything. The only time he sees him is during the obligatory holidays, and he waits until the last minute and calls and asks if dad is planning on coming over or not.

The last he was there was Christmas. He gets there and there are three place settings, my brother's, his wife's and my dad's. My niece and her husband were in the basement. My nephew and his girlfriend weren't there.

Recently, my brother calls my dad and tells him what an embarrassment he is and "didn't you notice that everyone left the table shortly after you got there?" He ridicules his appearance and behavior.

Now, my dad has always been really careful with his appearance. He showers every day and combs his hair and shaves even if he's just going to be at home. His hair is always trimmed neatly. He's got denture problems and doesn't have any top teeth, so he can get a little messy when he eats sometimes.

Dad only has a formal 8th grade education, but he's smart as a whip and is always reading something.

My dad's not abusive in any way. I can remember a few times when he came down hard on my brother, when he had it coming - like after he broke into a convenience store or when he'd start yelling at my mom and shoving her around. My dad even buried his fishing filet knife one time because my brother was getting so threatening.

My dad's not perfect, no one is, but we didn't have some horrendous childhood. He didn't do anything that my brother should be treating him this way for.

My brother's always seemed to have problems of one sort or another. Dropped out of school because it was too boring. Joined the Navy and went AWOL because it was too boring. Went on the road with my stepdad to see if he'd be interesting in being a truck driver, took along some pot and my stepdad caught him. Stepdad could have lost his trucking license if the DOT had stopped him, and my brother couldn't understand why our stepdad was upset, and cut all ties with my mom and stepdad after that, like it was their fault. My brother wasn't a kid at that time. He was in his 30s and had kids of his own.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I don't have a relationship with my brother, but what's the point when all he does is ridicule us and place blame where it doesn't belong? I don't want to have any contact with him, but it bothers me when I hear about him treating dad like this. He's almost 51, and he still acts like a teenager who's mad at his parents for not letting him go to a party.