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Originally Posted by skysblue
I guess I'm not sure myself what I mean. But let's say we believe ourselves to be intrinsically selfish or lazy or greedy or self-indulgent or ....
So, let's say we learn by self-control and willpower to change some behaviors associated with our character flaws, does that mean we no longer have those flaws or that they're held at bay simply by continually flexing those control 'muscles'? And when/if we relax, those defects will become the default again?
Luce mentions accepting our flaws and embracing our humanness. Is that the basic goal of therapy? Or maybe therapy is 2-pronged - building 'muscles' (behavior modification) along with acceptance?
Or as Chris mentions, these 'defects' may just be bad habits that can be changed into healthier habits?
In that case - we're faced with a ton of lifelong work. Or maybe, acceptance is the best route - I am who I am who I am. (Maybe I'm feeling defeated at the moment)
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There are many different theories about human development, and many of them believe that there are certain aspects of character that are unchangeable. For instance - extroversion vs introversion. If one sits at either extreme I don't believe there is any therapy in the world that could shift it, although by being aware of one's own tendencies one could work at developing more balance in life.
Some of my less desirable traits are that I am lazy, I have a low threshold for sensory stimulation and I am highly introverted. They are part of my neural make up - I doubt I could chang any of them. BUT I *can* change my awareness of them and take them into account when planning my daily life. My social calendar is planned with lots of breaks to give me time to recharge myself, my daily tasks are ordered to maximise effeciency while minimising effort, and I always arrage and 'escape route' of sorts to remove myself from situations where I am sensorially overwhelmed.
Maybe the first step is to change from thinking about aspects of character as being 'flawed' or 'defective' to simply being part of who you are. Embrace your laziness!
By the way, every single one of us is intrinsically selfish. It's necessary for survival. Even when people are *apparently* not selfish, they are - their need to give to others is exactly that - their OWN need. They give because doing so makes THEM feel good. Don't get me wrong, I fully admire people who give to others. I just have the belief that pretty much everything we do as humans at it's most basic level is driven by fact that it primarily serves ourselves. (Probably not a popular view, but there you have it. My strong viewpoints are probably one of my greatest character flaws.)
