So will you tell him it's either therapy together or separation? I think you really need to hit him over the head with the reality of it. He seems not to be getting how serious you are.

By the end, this was how I felt too. I asked my husband to go to marriage counseling 10 years before we divorced but he wouldn't. By the time I had had enough to leave the marriage (and get the courage to do so), even if he had completely changed, I couldn't have stayed with him. There was too much water under the bridge, too much pain, etc. The "window" of being able to do something about it had passed. I just wanted it to be over. Your H may not get that there is a window. If you think you are still in the window, please push him hard to go with you and state baldly it is the last chance.

Yes! The other side has been much better for me. My children too. I have been divorced for a couple of years and sometimes still have moments of deep thankfulness that I am through this. I come home to my house and he is not there and it is wonderful.

The first time I had the "conversation" was the day I found out he was having affairs. We had a long talk and discussed staying together or splitting up. He seemed to want to stay together but keep having affairs too. I asked if he meant stay together until the kids were out of school? He said, no we could stay together after that too. I said I wasn't interested in staying with him if it wasn't monogamous, and didn't want to wait until the kids were through school either. I wanted to split up now. We had the same conversation the following day. He knew where I stood. We agreed we would each get counseling to help us with this. I did but he never did anything. He also ignored the "conversation" as if it never took place and we stayed together for two more years before I got courage to again tell him I wanted out. This time I did it in my therapist's office with my T there for support. I wanted to make sure he really got it--that I wanted out! It seemed to work this time as then we started on the divorce process. I credit my therapist with helping me get to the point where I could end it. If my husband and I had been to marriage counseling 10 years earlier, I think we might have had a chance to fix things. But maybe not.

Good luck, geez. This was one of the hardest times in life for me. But life is so much better now. It was totally worth it to end the marriage. I am 1000% happier. My kids are thriving. My H and I made it a priority to put the kids first, so they have not been harmed by the divorce. They are thriving and spend time with us each. They have two homes where they feel comfortable and welcome.