I have been depressed like 4 times in the past 10yrs, I dont seem to enjoy things and be positive when i am not on medications, i find some reason or the other to be unhappy and not to enjoy life, i have been like this all my life, looking back i was probably depressed as a child as well, i have very few close friends, i lived with my parents till I was 26, but past 8 yrs living abroad in a different country, which was not a plesant experience, married 3yrs ago but now divorced, professionally and financially i am doing ok. Now back on antidperessants, the problem with me my short temper and avoidance of situations and people who make me uncomfortable, i go into a shell, i have lived as a loner for most part of the 8yrs avoiding friends who dont agree with me.
I dont know what sort of personality mine is, i keep thinking about what other people think about me. My ex wife had once told me that i am psycho, now after the divorce i am starring to wonder if i am really a psycho with some sort of personality and adjustment disorder.I think too much, dream of things and want things done in a certain way and when things dont go as i planned i get depressed. I fear the future and escape from my responsibilities, i avoided getting into a relationship due to various reasons including the responsiblity that come with it like children. my sister has told me several times that i am not responsible so has my ex wife. i am totally confused. I am in a high earning job but progress has been slow due to my mental health problems, but i am almost at the verge of reaching the top of the ladder professionally. I feel most comfortable in the confines of my home and that too alone. I havent me a pdoc yet, but planning meet one soon.
any one has any views about me?.