I've lived your story in a slightly modified scenario, ohlala. In it, alcoholism was destroying the family, parents with an adult daughter.
I was the daughter.
I wouldn't go to AA because I didn't have a problem. They went to Al-Anon, because they knew they did: dealing with me. I know of no comparable group for your situation, but if there's an Al-Anon group in your area you & your husband (important that you both go) would I think pick up some tools & ideas from an open Al-Anon meeting.
It's a bit of a long shot for you, but I really thing the odds are in your favor of its helping. It saved my parent's sanity & marriage. It led to my getting help.

My heart and mind are pulled to my mother when I read your post. She's gone now, but I'll never forget all the pain I caused her. I'm so sorry for what you're going thru now. I have forgiven myself & feel that she has. I try to pass on what I have learned, tho.