I think i give out good advice but i'll be damned if i know why i cant live by my own advice!! Ive been involved with some sort of addictive substance for almost 30yrs, which at 15 was cigarettes. I quit them once for 2yrs but that was only coz i fell pregnant & really i only gave up for the baby which in actual fact is giving up for someone else & not entirely for me! Over the years ive been hooked on amphetamines (call 'em wot u like) & in the last 5yrs i managed to get off the meth only by getting myself hooked on heroin!! NOT A SUBSTITUTE I WOULD RECOMMEND!! So...i got on a program & 2yrs later finally i was clean of 30yrs of hell. But the story doesnt end there!! As if possessed by the devil itself in the last 6mths have relapsed & back injecting meth again!! Im a stupid stupid biatch i know this coz i tell myself every single day ova & ova again. Which by the way doesnt help my issues with self esteem one little bit. So now i find myself back in the pit of **** & i hate myself for it. Ive tried everything, believe me i have but now recently married to my love of 8yrs & i find his urges for the substance feed mine & vice versa. My hubby & me are in this boat together & i fear its sinking fast! In the past i would have walked away from triggers but now im married to the trigger & so is he. We just dont seem to be able to say 'no' to temptation. We both know where we're at but still it doesnt seem to stop us from indulging. He sees us as casual users now but i dont coz i know theres no 'casual' when meth is involved. When we're not 'on' we smoke pot & drink alcohol but we continue to wait for the next hit!!
Anyone in the same boat?