Despicable Me, I dont think your terrible , I can see how this has hurt you and i thin your wife may be right about maybe being bipolar, it does sound like a sympton, ytou have a very understanding wife who loves you and i think thats awesome. Im so sorry your going through all this, getting to a doctor for a diagnosis is a good idea , to help you, I really hope you will be ok! Please let us now how you are doing, hugs to you and your wife through this difficult time...