Hah, I can feel your desperation but I can't understand it. Her voice is awesome.. even if she is rather loud.

Yes, there are positive aspects of this life here. That doesn't really detract from the yearning accompanying these episodes though. It's a very overwhelming urge. Regarding what will come after this life *shrugs* I can't really say. There are definite things which concern me though. Heh, guess I'll have to take care of that when it comes though.

One thing I really wonder is how much of this is spiritual and how much is illness. I certainly can not accept the fact that it's all brain chemicals and tortured pasts. Now that I'm in a 'right' frame of mind again, I'm back to the same confusion. Funny how the urge to know more and understand doesn't diminish though. I won't accept the mainstream answer though, devoid of soul. I really can't.