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Hi ~ I've BEEN in the same boat. I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict, and my life was out of control and pure hell when I was using. If there wasn't any chaos, I CREATED it. I didn't know how to live daily life. I was good in a crisis, but worthless in just living day to day. I just couldn't cope.
I knew I was killing myself. For some reason, I finally realized that I didn't WANT to die -- and I had to do something about it for ME, not for ahyone else. My husband at the time was also an alcoholic. Our marriage was lousy -- and when I got sober, it got worse, so we divorced.
Getting sober was the best thing I could have done for myself. Sure, I was afraid that I wouldn't have anything to take the PLACE of the stuff I was abusing --- but as it turned out, I didn't even have TIME to abuse substances. I joined AA, and they kept me so busy that there just wasn't the opportunity (or desire) to go back to living in hell. With the support of the other members, I was able to stay sober -- and I now have 18 years clean/sober.
You have to realize that you're going to DIE if you don't stop this insanity. Do it for YOU -- don't stop for anyone else. Please get some help --- most of us can't stop alone -- we need support. I don't want you to die. God bless. Hugs, Lee
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