Therapy however is not making my life more pleasant - it makes it much more unpleasant. I do not, on a weekly or even monthly basis, want to annihilate myself or have nightmares, when I am not seeing a t. I wonder how long one puts up with it being worse before throwing in the towel altogether - surely a year and thousands of dollars spent being worse with no indication anything is better- is a good enough try. My concern is that it is now happening with the other one. And I try to figure out (I know no one can help with this) how feeling worse with no relief in a year is a good thing - when I know I at least do not want to bludgeon myself weekly when I do not see a t, even if all the reasons I went to see one in the first place are still there. I want a list of the correct sorts of bad things therapy does to you before you start to see some good and the sorts that mean you are simply a failure at it or it is the wrong therapist for you and so forth.