Thank you so much, wolfsong, for devoting so much thought and attention just to my problem! I read your post seriously, I take your post seriously, and I'll respond to each of your points in turn. But please let me make something clear first. You and others may well disagree, but I'm convinced there's a big difference between a man beating a woman and a woman beating a man. Not very 21st Century, right? Well, I'm an old guy and perhaps that explains it. But I think there's reason and logic there too.

The entire human race, throughout its history, is a chronicle of man's oppression of woman. Physical, moral, intellectual, political, whatever, men have traditionally used every single means at their disposal to control, harass, overpower, keep down and crush women. You know this. Everyone knows this. And this ain't history! We all know well it's STILL going on.

So when a man beats a woman, anywhere in the world including here, she's part of an ongoing world-wide crusade for the treatment of women as full human beings with full human rights. A woman's attack on a man simply does not have that kind of historical, global resonance. A beaten woman must take into account not only her own injuries, but also the fact that she's part of a huge group that still has a very serious point to make. And by calling the cops she fulfills her responsibilities to all the other women in the world.

That's just not true when a woman hits a man, particularly if, as here, through lack of upper body strength, she simply can't hit hard enough to hurt him. It's an unpleasant and depressing situation, yes. But calling in the cops in such a situation is just not part of my self-definition. Talk to her T? Yes. Talk to her Pdoc? Yes. Even talk to her neurologist? Yes. But cops, no. I have no political points to make. I want to help this lady, not make her life miserable.

All I can say is it doesn't go back very far, and I can't really remember what came first, the meds or the hitting.

http://www.alz.org/alzheimers_diseas...alzheimers.asp

From a purely moral point of view I agree with you, neither is better or worse than the other. There are just other considerations to keep in mind, as I've outlined above.

Male violence, if unmet with a short, sharp shock, such as being arrested, can easily go on and increase over time. The police, who are in a sense the embodiment of official, approved male violence, are more appropriate, I think, when men are doing what they shouldn't. Though I have to say that if such situations happened to me I'd first try to deal with them in other ways. I'm not a particular fan of the law enforcement establishment.

I think that would be overkill. In my (really long) experience, if you take people whose behavior you'd like to change and try to obtain it through overwhelmingly embarassing and shaming means, it won't work. No. You must realize and accept that even if you're angry at the person and want them to suffer in some manner, then your own feelings will either destroy the behavioral change you're seeking or very badly inhibit it. All I'd like her to do is stop it. I have no need to punish her at all. And I think talking to her T and Pdoc and even neurologist will entirely solve the problem. I haven't yet done those things.

I DO think that she may be getting a little childish. And when that happens there's nothing you can do. You can't stop that. That's brain deterioration. As for "calculation," well, it seems to me to be the very opposite of calculation. She's more overwhelmed by her emotions now, a lot more, than forty years ago. I feel terribly sorry for her. And I love her.