Farking hell!!!! This is almost exactly what I experiance when Im as mad as a hatter! Its like you almost know whats going on and what its all about and then your mind suddenly melts and you get confused, you can almost hear them and almost understand the messages they are sending you, but your thoughts are jumping from one explainition to another.... I cant explain it. Ive blamed so many people for it, blamed it on Vampires, witches, government, a particular famous person, people i know on the internet, the police, friends of mine, Ive now come to the conclusion that its best to stop listening, how do you know anyway, when you get that obsessive hot feeling that you are fighting them back or onto the whole thing that they arent just misleading you anyway? Tis all so complicated. But, Thank God above for Olanzipine, makes me fat as can be and ugly, but it all goes away and I can sleep finally, without waking up having panic attacks, or staying awake all night 'communicating' with them. If they are real, I dont care anymore, I just want to be left alone in peace. But when Im lonely like tonight, and sad and havent been on meds in months, its sort of seductive to be drawn into it slightly again, isnt it? makes me feel at least someone is interested in me.

My current opinion on the whole thing, is partly religion and partly science, the religion part tells me it could partly be jinn (Im muslim), but then i get frightened by that thought, and the science part says, anti psychotics work so it must be a chemical imbalance, then the sceptic says, why do so many people experiance the same thing? maybe some of us are sensitive and the drugs remove the sensitivity? then the pragmatic part says, who gives a f****? if it takes it away, it takes it away, lifes hard enough.Lets not think about it all now.

Anyway, my sympathies to all of you who get this or similar, its a lonely place and like absolute torture. God protect us all.